Driving and Texting

Don't fuckin do it, I see you assholes doing it. Ok I admit I've done it before, but I sat down and thought about it for like 3 seconds and I was like damn why the fuck would I ever do that. It's such a bad idea for so many reasons. It's literally worse than talking on the phone, I mean for one thing, you are using one of your hands for sure. When talking on the phone, you can use your shoulder and still drive with both hands. Plus you gotta take your eyes of the road to read what people are sending you. So you are reading, writing, and driving. With talking you are like just talking and driving which is much more manageable. Is it really worth risking your life to read, "Omg lol"? I don't think so, and it sure as hell ain't worth risking my life in the process douchebag. It's so easy to spot too, you see some stupid ass in their car with sunglasses on at night, and then you see their cell phone light up from the reflection of their gigantic stunna shades and they start laughing about some stupid shit. The whole time of course they aren't paying attention to the road, so of course it's time to write a response back to the douchebag that's texting you some stupid forward he/she got from his/her work. It's not gender specific but it seems like the majority of assholes texting and driving are women.

Now smoking weed and driving on the other hand, with proper practice, is very logical. First it will make you actively aware of everyone around you, and your tendency is to try to get away from as many people as possible. Also the higher you start to get, the slower you will start to go so pretty soon you are just cruising along just minding your own business going like 5 mph under the speed limit trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. It breaks down like this:

1. a joint is the easiest way to smoke in any situation, shit it's like smoking a cigarette the only suspicious part about it would be the way you smoke with it.

2. a pipe has got to be the second best thing to work with in a driving situation. The main danger here is the few seconds in which you have to light the bowl while holding the pipe and carb, and for this I recommend knee driving which is an excellent move for its function as well as its diversity. Knee driving is best practiced on windy highways with extremely sharp curves. If you can knee drive there, you can cruise any road with ease. The last danger is that a pipe is pretty distinguishable from a joint. A joint could be a rolled up tobacco cigarette, but everyone knows what a pipe is for, something illegal. Also depending on your pipe some people might suspect crack or meth abuse if they happen to catch a glimpse of you. Not a good thing.

3. a bong is easily the most cumbersome and dangerous ways to smoke and drive. Although manageable, the bong is discouraged for it's very nature as a water pipe. You have to have it in an upright position so it's visibility is always an issue, and it's a bong so it's going to hit hard and you will be more apt to go on a coughing spree while driving which is not preferred. Also the knee trick can get much more interesting when you are smoking a bong instead, because usually you have to hold it in between your legs. If you are going to hit a bong while driving, it's best to try to travel with a friend who can assist in the driving process while you get your hit, he will also work as an active eye on the road for you so you can look at the lighter and actually get the bowl lit. I don't ever see any texting drivers have their friend take hold of the wheel so they can finish their sentence, no they just keep on texting and not paying attention to shit endangering all kinds of people.

Smoking and driving may seem intimidating at first, but it is like any other skill, with practice makes perfect. So it is encouraged to practice smoking and driving frequently for the safety of others. I'm not saying that I've ever smoked and driven, but if I did this would be what I would say about it.

With all that being said, I am pissed off about texting and driving. Don't fucking do it, if you want to talk to the son of a bitch then just call them. Chances are the conversation is about something fucking retarded anyways so fucking stop doing it. If you see someone smoking weed and driving, chill on that shit, it's under control (unless you see him drinking alcohol also, then it's definately not under control), but if you see some asshole texting and driving then run that bastard off the road, rip open the car door, grab the cell phone right out of their hand. If they resist in any way, cut off their "texting" thumb. Immediately smash the phone on the road, get back into your car or truck, and drive home thinking about how many potential lives you just saved.

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