RAISIN BRAN, FUCK YEAH


Raisin Bran is so fucking awesome, especially when compared to other cereals. Oh what do you like Frosted Flakes? More like Frosted Flakes of shit that don't have a tasty raisin treat to compliment them. How do you beat the absolute domination of Raisin Bran? You simply cannot. Rice Crispies? Get that shit outta my face before I slap you. Just because your cereal makes noise doesn't mean it tastes good. Raisin Bran doesn't try to fool you with some bullshit gimmick like noise effects or different color marshmellows (aka balls of pure sugar), because Raisin Bran doesn't have to. They come right out and say it, "Fucking two scoops of raisins, yeah, and if you don't like it then fuck you two scoops of raisins is what you get. You fuckers are lucky we even let you buy Raisin Bran." Needless to say Raisin Bran speaks for itself and it doesn't need some bullshit Tiger to do it. Oh well you might be saying, "but I don't like raisins, I'd rather have Honey Bunches of Oats." Fuck you, you obviously don't know shit about cereal. Also fuck Cheerios and every fucking bastard spawn it created. There is nothing special about them, they are little rings of bullshit that don't even have a good distinguisable flavor. Raisin Bran is like someone trapped absolute perfect into every raisin, and every bran is sparkling with it's ultimate purity, and the milk is as it came from the very cows in heaven. Either ingredient by itself of course isn't very exciting. If it is just bran flakes it's like ok well this isn't very cool, bran flakes are definitely not enough for a full flavor blast. If it's just raisins then it's like ok I'll have a few, then it's like ok I've had enough it's simply just too much to handle by itself! And if it's just milk then it's like yeah well milk is alright.

Basically Raisin Bran is the perfect meal if you don't want to do anything, and it's easily the best cereal of all time. Hands down. Nothing even comes close. Especially not Honey Smacks which is a failed marketing plot and nothing more. It seriously keeps me up at night knowing that some people don't like Raisin Bran more than any other cereal. I cannot fucking understand it in any way. It's seriously too hard to think of a scenario where I wouldn't prefer Raisin Bran over all others. Maybe if eating Raisin Bran resulted in mandatory death, then maybe I would reconsider.


RAISIN BRAN FUCK YEAH