My Loser Theory


Over the course of my sophmore and junior years, I have been collaborating several different ideas from myself, and my loser friends as to the cause of us being losers. I have been trying to gather my thoughts and ideas and develop a theory on loserness. So far I have pretty open ended conclusions but I will let you know what I think regardless.

Ok, first off, I must give you some context so that you can fully understand my theories and ideas. I am a 17 year old male attending high school as a senior at the moment. I consider myself a loser. Let me explain my situation. Several factors are involved in being a loser. First off, you have to be very very lazy. This is essential, because many of my problems arise from my extreme laziness. It is also what separates me from being a nerd or even perhaps a jock because I am too lazy to excel in anything. Nerds, are kind of like losers who are good at something, be it playing the clarinet or trumpet, or programming computers and such activities. I, as a loser, am not capable of these feats because I am too lazy to put that much effort into one thing. This also contributes to my problem with girls, I am too self conscious and lazy to do anything. The cause of laziness? Who knows go look it up on google or something.

Ok the next part of my theory is also essential to a loser. It seems that there is no type of girl suitable for a loser such as myself. Either the girl is too good, or it gets to the point where they are too ugly and annoying. Of course you might say, well I have seem chicks that are just like decent looking, well to you I must say this, they are always taken for some reason. It is like I am damned in an etheral vortex that is only occupied by people exactly like me, and no girls. Maybe it is just where I live, and I have been so fortunate as to live in this area for my entire life, but I have nothing to base that on so for now that is my stance on girls being excluded from the "loser" class.

The loser gene, I have thought long and hard about this. Perhaps is there by some weird twisted chance that there is a specific gene that can be passed on to influence the likelihood of a person becoming a loser? Well its too bad I am too lazy to go look it up myself so I am going to say that its a possibility. If you find conclusive evidence proving otherwise, then feel free to share it with me.

I also have a theory as to a special aura around hot chicks that only affects losers. It is almost like an anti-loser forcefield, as soon as any loser enters it, he immediatly wants to leave and loses the ability to think clearly, talk coherently, and in extreme cases, loses control of his bodily functions. I have based this on the fact that every time I get close to a hot chick, I feel like getting away from her cause I am so uncomfortable and I start feeling stupid. Could it just be a mental affliction or is there scientific proof behind this phenomenon?

This theory is still definitely under work, I have a very opened ended approach to it because I still haven't thought about it that much. I will probably add more to this as I see fit.


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