Grind: A Review
My sister came home today with a couple of movies that she had rented. One of the movies she rented was a movie entitled Grind. I never had any desire to see this movie, but she wanted me to watch it with her, so I figured I would be a nice brother and watch it (after I finished up an intense game of Warcraft III demo online). I missed the first 15 minutes of the movie but the plot was so fickle I already knew exactly what was going on and what would happen at the end basically. This movie was horrible in almost every way. There was however one redeeming quality that made it tolerable enough to watch to the end, and I will discuss it in a little bit.
Ok let me summarize what happens, this guy skates and has these friends that skate. The main guy wants to be sponsored or something like that so he convinces his other friends to go with him on a road trip stalking this one skater guy who is famous and has money. Now these guys really piss me off.
The main guy (leader) is also the best skater, naturally. First off, he is a dipshit. Secondly, he is also an asshole.
His best friend, the second best skater, is working hard trying to get into college and maintain a stable part time job, but his dipshit, asshole skater friend forces him to go on this wacko-stalker road trip with him. Not only does he lose his job, but they rely on him for money. Basically he uses all his college money by the end of the movie, completely ruining his future.
The third best skater is portrayed as a super smooth sex machine who gets any chick he wants. There are several problems with this. The movie is supposed to be a comedy right? Well there is nothing funny about some guy who just gets chicks and bones them all the time. It just gets annoying after about the second time it happens.
The last friend is the worst by far. He must have been cast as "comic-relief", but he should have been cast as "shit eating fag who sucks". In real life, he would have no friends. He is constantly throwing valuable things out of the window and farting. No one wants to be around someone like that. On top of that he doesn't bathe and he is the worst skater, bringing nothing valuable to them.
There are also several pointless cameos by Jackass members. The fat dude makes a cameo running to a port-a-potty to take a fat shit. How pointless is that, no one wants to see it. And no one wants to see slow motion scenes of the super skater friends skating. It would have been OK if they did cool tricks but all they do is skate around and do shitty tricks. The only tricks I want to see are superflips (when you do 20 backflips and 20 front flips in the air) and kamikaze dive bombs. To make matters worse, they skate to some of the dumbest music ever. For example, one of the songs they skate to is Hot Action Cop - Fever for the Flava. These guys make me want to puke. They are a Limp Bizkit rip-off, but get this they suck even more than Limp Bizkit, and I mean a lot more. Just take a look at some of the lyrics, "Do you think that I can get some chickie chickie. Maybe gets a little finga sticky sticky." Here is another example of their master lyrical content, "Can I get a little yum, yum kitty kitty. Just a little sumthin' sumthin' itty bitty." Yes, I think I have made my point.
The only redeeming quality about this movie are the super cool gangster white guys who skate.
They are the best because they have a Cadillac Escalade. Their leader is also a better skater than the main character in my opinion. They listen to this one song that just goes, "Hey dawg, hey dawg, hey dawg, hey dawg, hey dawg," over and over again. That is so much cooler than Hot Action Cop, these guys are bad ass. They use super cool gangster lingo too, and they are always there to put the super fags in their place. If the movie revolved around these guys, it would be one of my favorite movies of 2003. But it revolves around those other guys who aren't cool so this movie is one of the worst movies of 2003.
Also the ending part when the leader fag does a skating duel against super cool gangster leader was horrible. The cool gangster leader guy was hella better than the other dude, but everyone cheers for him! What the fuck kind of crap is that. I would done the ending completely different. The cool gangster leader guy finishes his routine and everyone cheers and starts chanting, "Hey dawg, hey dawg, hey dawg..." The main character skater guy would be all crying and sad because he lost, and he is a pussy. Then super cool gangster leader would pull out his 9mm and kills the 4 main skater fags. Everyone would keep chanting, "Hey dawg, hey dawg, hey dawg, hey dawg," and then the movie would slowly fade to the credits. That would have been awesome.
So overall this movie sucks really bad. Anyone who sees it should be punished (including me). Anyone who sees it and thinks its funny and/or relates to any of the characters (excluding the super cool gangsters, they rule) deserves extreme forms of medieval torture. Don't see this movie.
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