Want to know what Brown can do for me? They can shut the fuck up and call themselves United Parcel Service.
Ok, here is what I am sick of, those stupid queerbait commercials where the people call UPS, Brown. What is the point of saying Brown instead of UPS? WOW their fuckin trucks are brown, whoopdefuckindo. Am I supposed to call every company by the color of their truck instead of the companies name? Ya, its ridiculous and stupid. How can you even try to be serious when you do business with Brown?
BROWN, fucking just call it UPS. Is that so hard to say? Too many syllables for you to spew? Then just call them Ups, thats only one syllable for you lazy bastards. Sure it might sound a little dumb, but not nearly as dumb as calling them Brown. Wow, want to know whats brown? My shit is brown, there's some marketing for you. Brown, that's right the color of your shit, so we call ourselves Brown instead of UPS so you can identify us with shit. Sounds like the kind of message you want to send to your customer. That's like the first thing that pops into my head when I hear brown, shit. Then I think about taking a shit, and then I think about when I fuckin have the shits. The last thing that is coming to my mind when they say Brown is worldwide shipping.
I really do hope no one in real life calls UPS Brown. I could just see some guy sitting at his office yelling out to his secretary, "Hey, did you call Brown about those shipments we sent to our dealership in Illinois?" She (cause all secretaries are chicks since it is a bitch job) would say, "If by call brown, you mean did I take a shit? Then yes, but if by call brown you mean, did I call UPS? Then no." Then the guy would chuckle at how stupid it really is to call the United Parcel Service brown. Then he would have his secretary call UPS to tell them how stupid advertising themselves as Brown is.
Wow, maybe the whole point of their marketing was for people to spend a lot of time thinking about it, cause then they were successful since I just wasted several minutes of my time to bitch about them.
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