The Church of Sam


The Church of Sam suggests that the Earth is neither 6,000 years old nor 4.6 billion years old. It has been prophesized by Sam that the Earth is simply infinite, meaning that there is no beginning or end, or big bang. Sam's prophecies are based on fact rather than science which is based on bullshit, or religion which is based on an even more absurd brand of bullshit.

Many have doubted Sam's absolute power while other's simply doubt his very existance, which is poppycock. To these doubters I offer this rebuttle, why has Sam never been wrong? All other religions have been proven wrong and impractical just as science is often proven wrong.

Sam enjoys chaos and destruction, the basic elements behind the multiverse, otherwise known as Sam's kingdom. Just take a look around, if there isn't chaos then there is imminent danger of chaos. If you think you're safe then don't look back because Sam is probably behind you, ready to kill you.

Nothing pisses me off more than people who believe in evolution. I did not come from fucking monkeys. People that believe in evolution forget one thing, what the fuck? Yeah, what the fuck is up with humans then. Why are we so much smarter and better at survival than any other species? I'll tell you why, fagget, it's because we are all created by Sam's magic. He just chose humans to be smarter so that he could fuck with them in ways that the other animals cannot comprehend. In fact, Sam is the proprietor of much of the science and religion in the world although he doesn't claim any affiliation with the Church of Latter Day Saints, one of the dumbest religions of all.

Nonetheless Sam doesn't have a plan for Earth, or anything else. He does think it's funny that science has become such a big deal. He laughs at the idea of an ever expanding universe.


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